fuck up
Okay, maybe the exploding guy didn’t convince you to give V/H/S 2 a chance. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SATAN SHOULDER BARGE AN UNDEAD CULTIST INTO THE WALL FOR BEING IN THE WAY IN ANY MOVIE EVER? THEN HE FLIPS A FUCKING MOVING CAR.
cannot wait ;___;
Honestly, I don’t have a single person to talk to. No one to confide in, to just have a conversation, to keep me sane.
This has been the case for well over half my life. “friends” never seemed to stick around, most of all, ones I let inside my heart never did either.
Yea, shit happens, life sucks, but you press on, you find something to hold onto, then you lose your grip. Repeat.
My problem? I’ve never been happy with myself. I’ve always clinged to people I cared most about. Only to have them walk away, and leave me with nothing again.
First, I met someone, someone I didn’t know. She said she loved me. I never had anyone tell me that before, so I accepted it, accepted her. It didn’t last though. She found someone else, and I was history.
Looking back on it, I’m fine with it. She has a baby, went through abunch of shit, got her life together, good for her. 3 months was all it was. But it hurt. I go back to what o said about no one ever uttering the words I love you to me before but obviously when the person saying it doesn’t truly mean it. Then it’s not worth fighting over.
She left, I was broken, but not for long.
I didn’t know where I was going in life, I was lost, then I met her. The most amazing person that ever walked in my life. With no effort put in just a few heart to hearts, she was mine. It was hard. We split we fought we laughed we cried. We fell apart.
For over 3 years, I fucked up a lot of things, but sometimes you can’t explain why you do bad shit to someone you love. and yes, I did love her. So much.
You meet someone who you make your everything, but apart of you always feels as if they aren’t there. That their heart is not with you. So you get angry. You get frustrated. You take it out on them, and you wonder why they can’t love you.
This has been old news for 9 months now. And just like a child is born, 9 months was all it took for her to forget my name.
Now, I remember how I handled any past relationship. I was heartbroken, I accepted that they just didn’t want me and I continued to look for someone who did.
but I just can’t seem to ever want to move on with my life without her. Someone who still haunts my dreams, who I think about the second I wake up to the moment I finally fall asleep. Knowing that she longs for another’s touch, that she whispers the words I love you to someone else. I can’t get it out of my mind out of my soul. It hurts so bad.
So this brings us to today,
What do I do?
I can’t give up on you, I just can’t, even though we dont talk, even though these steps you’ve taken only lead your life further and further away from mine. She owns my heart. Simply because I will not give it to another. I refuse. Maybe you want me to move on, who the fuck knows maybe one day I will. But I sure as fuck don’t want to, and just see you as anoth name of people I use to be close to and are long gone. Breaks my heart to think of someone so special, just becoming a person in my past.
But, I need to stop moping around as if somehow my cries could reach you and you’d come back to me.
I need to take the steps in my life to be happy, the way I always wanted.
I have but only one dream, and that is to be happy. I don’t know if she will ever come back, but I hope that the pain will fuel through the end of this hell, to a place where I’ll be happy. I need guidance, encouragement, friends to help me through. All things I don’t have.
Its never about falling in love, because I already did. I’m just one of those kids who doesnt like to break a promise, and I promise you, I’m going show you who I really am, because no ones ever really known me before.
